I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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