Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
