Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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