Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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