dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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