Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize