Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
