There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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