whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Swine flu. Run for my life!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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