I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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