Duck Duck Cougar?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
