Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if only i could text you this smell
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
