Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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