I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
