I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
