I wanna passion pit in your ass
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i think i just lost a toe
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
