Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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