Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
