Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
