we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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