theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
