yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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