I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
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I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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