hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
