...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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