My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
