i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
