do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
