You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
