I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
