she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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