I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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