she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
