My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
