During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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