I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
