I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
