I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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