just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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