Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
