she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
