I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
