I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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