dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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