The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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