bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just puked most of my soul out..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
