bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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