The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
