All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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