In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
