Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's rum buckets o'clock
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
