in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
