Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
