ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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