I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
