I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
