I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
