And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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