i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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