im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
