i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
