I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
