Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
