I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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