dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
