I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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