Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
