lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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