Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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