I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
