He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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