Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
