my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
